Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
Okay. Hello, Dany LeMoine, my former lovely student. Thanks for joining me today.
Dany LeMoine:
Thank you so much for having me. It’s an honor to be here.
Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
Are you 23 years old now?
Dany LeMoine:
I am turning 23 in the spring.
Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
you so I taught you in grade six seven seven I taught you grade seven I asked sorry
Dany LeMoine:
We did sixth math. Together we did grade six math. So it was sort of, it was a bit of both.
Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
That’s right. So I taught you grade six, seven and in the math and I asked you to speak to me today because I’m
trying to dig into student experience, youth experience more. So today with you turning 23 year old lovely woman, I wanna
talk to you about why youth, so teenagers but also young adults are crumbling under the pressure of achievement. And I want
your opinions as a young person of how parents can support
Dany LeMoine:
Okay.
Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
youth dreams without that pressure and making youth feel that they’re never enough. So that’s our goal today. Let’s
first start about you though. I want you to tell me about you in terms of maybe your upbringing and how you came across to
other people. That’s my question. Tell me about you and how you came across to other people.
Dany LeMoine:
Okay. Well, I have always been someone who really sort of puts their best foot forward, so to speak, and
really…
Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
Can you pause? You’ve got ear, are your earbuds out?
Dany LeMoine:
You’re not better? OK. OK.
Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
There you go, yeah, the volume dropped. Yeah, so I’ll ask that again, okay? Yeah, we’ll start all over again, okay.
Can you tell me about you, and I wanna know your experiences at school, but also in that how you came across to other
people, because I think that’s really important for your story.
Dany LeMoine:
Well, I really presented myself as this person that was calm and collected and cool, but also I had to have
this outward persona that people really could see and validate myself and sort of my internal struggles. So I had this almost
persona is what I would say. Like I dressed up, I had flowers in my hair. I wanted to look like the prim, proper girl. And I
think that was just like a validating mechanism for anyone with perfectionism, with people who care what others think of
them or who seek that external validation. So that was sort of when I was young at that age, how I presented myself to the
world. I’ve since changed a bit, but I still have those tendencies. And I think that that’s just a coping mechanism of mine. I
currently try and be a little bit more open and laid back and not care as much as of what people think. But back then, I didn’t
have the foresight to sort of navigate what that meant and how it didn’t really matter what other people saw. So that’s how I
presented myself. back then, I had a lot of challenges in my life. And so that’s how I coped with them in a way.
Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
Yeah. So I was thinking about you and your shoes. So I did not… …call it grade seven graduation,
as we were just saying. That’s another story. But we were doing the practice. We were doing the practice for the ceremony.
And remember, you brought your high heel shoes for the practice. You had like the highest shoes I’ve ever seen. And they
were in practice.
Dany LeMoine:
Yes. Heh. Yes, of course. Yeah, yes, I vividly remember they were beautiful shoes. I got them special for
the occasion because it was my farewell ceremony and I wanted to look, like again, look the prettiest and the most poised and
calm and collected and so I had to have these big beautiful shoes.
Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
Yeah. They were nice. know, so I actually, the reason I’m starting off that question is because that’s what I really
recall about you is you presented so, so well. But the other thing you didn’t say this is that you are very intelligent. And I
remember in grade seven, I believe it was Harvard University. Remember that? Your sights were on Harvard. I’m like, whoa,
cowgirl, cowboy, cowgirl. Just you having that aspiration when you were so young.
Dany LeMoine:
Yes. Yeah. Yeah.
Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
So can I, I just don’t want to talk more about you first, because I think it’s really important to understand then the
lead up to later, but you were a perfectionist. Can you tell me what drove that? Like, why do you want to go to Harvard when
you were 12 years old?
Dany LeMoine:
Yeah. what a 12 year old wanting to go to Harvard. It wasn’t just Harvard. I had Princeton and Yale up there
too. I think that it was a way of proving that I could do it. Like, whoa, well, it validates your intelligence. you’re able to get
into the best school, it says, hey, this person is worthy. This person is deserving. This person can
Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
Okay, all right. Okay.
Dany LeMoine:
can do it with the best of them, can make the best of their situation. And I think that was sort of what I was
seeking was that extreme validation from school and from the academic system. And that was based on receiving good
grades, receiving praise for my intelligence, this giftedness.
Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
Mm-hmm.
Dany LeMoine:
And then I was like, oh, well, I want more of that. This makes me feel worthy. This makes me feel whole.
So I need to be, you know, at the best, you know, I literally Googled, I distinctly remember Googling top universities and
being like, I want to go to that one. I want to go to that one and anything less than like number five in the world. I was like,
not good enough for me.
Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Right. Well, and I remember that so distinctly about you. So we’re setting the stage here. So you
came across as all put together, you are extremely beautiful. are extremely intelligent. And it was a message that you walked
into school with for sure. Fair enough to say that.
Dany LeMoine:
Absolutely. It was a front, I think, that I built for myself.
Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
Now, go ahead. Now, this is your story. I always say this, this is your story. What do you want to tell us about
what you were going through at the time on the inside that people and teachers and students and the adults around you,
except probably your mother, didn’t know about?
Dany LeMoine:
I think that at that, like I was just saying that that age was such a crucial time. was like, there was so much
trauma that was going on behind the scenes in my life. had, you know, lots of loved ones, all these different sort of abuses
that were inflicted. then then used school as a way of taking control of my life, as a way of presenting this person. and
creating this persona. And I think that there was just so much going on behind the scenes that I could almost leave it behind
at school. Like I could be this different person. I could escape.
Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
Yeah. You are saying exactly what I learned in my research at the psych unit where I went after I taught you is that
school becomes your safe haven, right? You can go there, life is normal, your home life nobody knows about, you can be
normal at school and everybody sees you in a different light.
Dany LeMoine:
Yes. I think it can be, it can definitely be that on the flip side, it can also be a place where, know, you then
seek, seek validation. And then, then it becomes a very unsafe place. It becomes just as unsafe as at home. But there’s a bit of
both. Like at first it was like, I’m, I’m a different person. Nobody knows I can be whoever I want to be. But then.
Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
totally totally
Dany LeMoine:
once you become addicted to that validation, that, you know, those A pluses, receiving A pluses means that
I’m worthy, means that I’m good. That’s addicting. And then it becomes, it becomes this maladaptive behavior where, this
feels really good. I can be better. And then it, then it becomes a toxic place.
Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
Hmm. That’s good way to put it. I hadn’t thought of that, but you’re right, the toxicity of that.
Dany LeMoine:
Mm-hmm. It can be both. can be both.
Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
Yeah, it can be both. I actually have a friend I’m going to interview her next week about. She was a model for 10
years in Europe and she said to me, you know, she absolutely could put on a facade at school and that’s where she could be
normal. And she also was really pretty. So she could hide behind that and everybody thinks that you’re okay. Happens a lot.
Okay, I want to actually, before we launch into this whole thing about this toxicity of our achievement, culture and
expectations, I…
Dany LeMoine:
Mm hmm. Yeah.
Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
actually have a question for you to speak for your generation on. So no pressure, no pressure. But I’m wondering if
you can tell me what you see that your generation right now, where they’re at in terms of maybe their mental health and
expectations, why they’re either from the world on them or them on themselves. Can you give me like two minutes or less
what you see within your peer group, your generation and your gen’s end?
Dany LeMoine:
For sure. Yes. I think that our generation is one of the first that had a lot of awareness about mental health
and awareness about stigma around that. So I think we are in unique position that, we can talk about this. It is readily part of
our conversation. So I think that’s a huge change in the right direction that impacts us.
Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
Yeah.
Dany LeMoine:
But I think that it also is letting us identify that, this is going on. I do need support for this. I do need help.
Maybe I do have depression. I do have anxiety. ADHD is so common. think in a lot of my classes that I’m currently taking in
nursing school, we have the conversations like, yeah, I have ADHD. yeah, I have. anxiety, we talk about it a lot more, we’re
open with it, but there’s a lot more diagnoses, like swarming around, you know, there’s a like, I would say at least over half
the class has ADHD, just that I’ve like, been open about it and talked about it and communicated that with me. And so I think
that while we’re talking about it more, it is, there is a lot of like labeling that comes out of that, you know, like, yeah, I
identify with that.
Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
Mm-hmm. Right.
Dany LeMoine:
And so we’re more open, but we definitely are noticing that we’re experiencing so many different things
from social media, from, you know, this, these traumas of our past, we can identify them. And, and there’s just an
overabundance of, of mental illness that that is affecting us.
Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
Well, so there’s research too that came out in 2018 that as of like research showing from the early 2010s that
mental health disorders have so much as doubled around like around the world globally, globally, in your generation, Gen Z.
I’m curious to know how much is like diagnosed versus having it. Do you know what I mean? Like there’s a lot of diagnosing
going on without ruling out say trauma.
Dany LeMoine:
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, for sure.
Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
without ruling out anxiety for an ADHD diagnosis or without ruling out an attention for anxiety disorder, but that’s
a whole other discussion. Can you tell me what expectation in your generation, like when I say to you the word expectation?
Dany LeMoine:
Yeah!
Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
What do you feel around you within your perceptions of yourselves or how others place it on you?
Dany LeMoine:
I I think that for me personally, like if you want to know about expectations, you ask a perfectionist,
because that’s all we know. We live in them, we die under them. It’s just this constant weight on your shoulders is what I
think of when I hear expectation. It’s like, yeah, it’s this thing that I feel. It’s literally, I feel it in my body, on my shoulders all
the time of like, You have to do the best. have to be this. You have to be this. You have to be prettiest. You have to be the
skinniest. You have to be the smartest. have to, you know, and I think these things are, they’re not new for my generation by
any means. They’ve been going on for forever, but I think that, I think that school specifically perpetuates these expectations,
these academic, you know, academic goals. And then also the media, you see perfection.
Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
Hmm. Mm-hmm.
Dany LeMoine:
all the time. You’re bombarded with the perfect life, the perfect workout, you know, and then you expect
that of yourself.
Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
Mm-hmm. Yeah, for sure. think that it’s something that you said it, you’re bombarded. Like when I was growing
up, know, 30 years, I’m 53, so I’m 30 years older than you. I remember like magazines and maybe some TV shows, but you
get it 24 seven across the board, whether you’re on your screen, your iPad, still on the TV, still, well probably not paper
magazines anymore, but it’s everywhere.
Dany LeMoine:
Yeah.
Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
So how do you, how do you manage that?
Dany LeMoine:
I, unlike, I don’t know, 99 % of my population, I do not use social media. I am off of all of it. I can’t stand it.
I can’t look at it. It really impacts my mental health. So what I’ve done is I delete it all. I’m the only person I know my age
that can say that.
Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
Great.
Dany LeMoine:
I don’t have any peers at all that don’t use social media. I’m very much so the odd one out, but it is a way of
protecting my sanity because I do, like I already have all these perfectionistic tendencies, all these expectations that seeing it
on my phone, like in my relaxing time when I’m getting home, throwing on, just wanting to melt my brain away.
Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
Mm-hmm.
Dany LeMoine:
getting bombarded with more expectations and more, you’re not doing it as well as she is. she does her
makeup better than you. You really compare, and especially among women, I think that social media can really, really have
these expectations. So that’s how I cope with it. But a lot of people, I know, they do use social media. They have found a way
to balance it. They found a way to… to create that equilibrium. I hope one day I’ll be able to use it as a tool. Right now, my
way of coping with it is to completely ignore it.
Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
Mm-hmm. You know, you’re becoming a nurse, so you don’t need it. Like I said, if you don’t need it, don’t do it.
And any public servant does not need to be in social media. Stay off. Okay, you told me a story of somebody that will be
unnamed that was teaching you around our time, you were struggling with mental health, and I know you were open about
anxiety. And do you remember the pressure that was put on you? And I was wondering if you can tell us about, tell me about
that situation of
Dany LeMoine:
Yeah. Yeah.
Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
this pressure that was placed on you. And it was those times, those years that you were really having a tough time.
Dany LeMoine:
Yeah, for sure. think that now reflecting back on it, I put those expectations on myself. However, there are
outside forces, but I think the main thing that the outside forces did was they praised accomplishment. They praised
achievement. And that What then then you take it you internalize that and you say oh I Did something good and I was
rewarded for it. I must be this To be worthy of more praise to be good enough so Having having been told like oh you did
such a good job. You got all A’s You know, you’re 90 % and everything then if I go and I take a test and I you know, I don’t
understand the material I’m not grasping it I get like a 70 or I’m not able to answer the question, I am like, well, I failed. I’m
not worthy enough anymore. I’m not good enough anymore because, because they’ve told me that, you’re so good. You’re so
smart. You know, because I did this behavior, it was always, because you got nineties, you’re smart as opposed to, you know,
you’re smart because you know, you know how to talk to people, you know how to communicate, you know, how to, how to
learn how to, how to. how to evaluate, how to critical think. was always like, you got a 90, you’re so smart.
Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
I want to pause right there. I’m looking at my questions. I’ve prepared and we’re gonna wait on those because we’re
gonna like stop right there, Dany. You, I want to go back to what you just said because I think that is pivotal for parents and
educators to understand. So what you’re describing is you were praised for your results. How you performed. You were not
praised for your process.
Dany LeMoine:
Okay. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah.
Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
So can you add on a little bit that I’m wanting to have parents get have tangible ideas like how do we avoid the
toxicity of achievement culture? So right there. So can you add on to that? Like talk to me about the what that did to you
praising how you performed versus how you actually walked through that whole time to the end performance.
Dany LeMoine:
Yeah, of course. Yeah, I think that I think that it came from from educators from teachers of mine from
from parents from all of these outside forces that said, wow, you’re really smart. My daughter is so smart or this class, the
student of mine is is really smart because, you know, she got 100 % on this test. Or she’s reading at a grade six level and she’s
in grade four. She’s reading at a grade 10 level and she’s in grade six. And I remember being so competitive that it turned into
competitiveness. I was like, oh, I’m reading at a grade 10 level. Ooh, what are you reading at? And then you build off of that.
And then suddenly, oh, if someone else was smart,
Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
Yeah.
Dany LeMoine:
It fuels you. Someone else is reading at a grade 10 level too. Okay, let me get to grade 12 so then I can
outperform them. know, it, it talking about achievements instead of talking about processes and these core, like, like my
beliefs and my values, talking about my achievements then allowed me to compare them to others. Like if you told me, oh,
you’re, you get nineties or hundreds.
Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
Yeah.
Dany LeMoine:
And then I, I compared them with other people. Well, I’m like, oh, well, other people get hundreds. So I
should get better than that. Like I should get 110%. I should give 110 % or as opposed to if someone was like, Oh, like the
way that you solve this problem, you really used critical thinking or you really, you know, I love that you were value system
was so focused on, on, you know, empathy. Maybe that’s a big one for me, really focusing on my empathy and my care for
other people. And so they could have said something like that. They could have said like, yeah, like the way you did this
presentation, you really focused on that. Not, you got a hundred percent, but also so did this other group. So now I’m fueled
to be better than a hundred percent. Now I’m fueled to give more, to be better, to be smarter and stronger.
Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
Mm-hmm. You’re describing the adults in the room, the adults in the room that are creating the toxicity of this
achievement culture because when we get so focused on the end point.
Dany LeMoine:
If that if that’s what it sounds. Yeah.
Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
then if you don’t first of all get that end point that devalues you there drops a self worth and like you just said it
becomes the competition that I mean competition I think is good to an extent but almost what you’re describing is toxic right
with how much that did to you.
Dany LeMoine:
Yeah, for sure. I think that that knowing other people’s grades is not a sustainable, a sustainable teaching
method. You know, knowing that other people scored more points than you, even if it’s in like a game or like, like a like a
sports, like knowing that they have however many goals and you only had this many and comparing that using that to
evaluate
Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Dany LeMoine:
learners and children, really, it quantifies it when we need to qualify their work. Like, the technique you
use, that was really cool. As opposed to, well, you got this out of this, like a percent, a number, it’s just labeling that gets so
far internalized that you become those numbers.
Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
Yeah. Yeah. that’s really good. I’m going to quote you. I’m going to quote you on some slides. Absolutely. It’s it’s
qualitative, like how you actually went about this versus the numbers at the end. Right now, tell me what when you were
struggling, when you picked pictures, like think back to those years that were so hard for you. What did you need the most
from all the adults around you? Parents, your friends parents, educators, coaches, any anybody who was of legal age. What
did you need the most?
Dany LeMoine:
I think I needed people to see me.
Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
Okay.
Dany LeMoine:
I needed them to see really deep into what was going on. Like just everything I was doing was a cry for
help. And I feel like it went unnoticed to the point that, you know, not that I needed a savior or someone needed to come in
and rescue me, but I think that if someone was watching my behaviors, they could have noticed that, hey, this person is
actually really struggling. So I know that’s very basic. It’s very simple as you need someone to see, you need someone to
understand what’s going on. But I think if more people were like, hey, there’s something going on here. Why is she wearing
six inch heels all the time, like regularly? Why is she always presenting this put together facade? or why is she so
emotionally invested in her grades? Why is this, think, such a big reaction? Why is she, you know, just look, if you wish
someone looked further into my actions and then like, what is driving this? What is going on that makes her feel like she has
to do this? And to some extent they did, you know, like my mother recognized that she saw a lot of herself.
Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
Yeah.
Dany LeMoine:
in me and she did the same behaviors and so I was able to access some supports through that. But I think in
general if more people just took the time to really think through what was going on and what was happening behind the
scenes.
Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
Hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah, that’s good. It’s that idea that you have to stop. and know that you don’t know what’s going
on in that person’s life. Because we always assume. And I think the big thing is somebody who is put together, who looks
great, who is super smart, who gets the A’s, who has the best shoes in the whole school, right? To not assume that everything
is that package that you see. And then that allows you to ask the questions, to maybe see and hear and understand that person.
Dany LeMoine:
Mm-hmm. Yeah. you Mm-hmm. Yeah, but that’s, I mean, that’s hard to ask of someone, you know. You
have people to worry about by people who reach out, know, people that ask for help, those people you need to worry about.
But now you also have to worry about the people who seem totally fine. And maybe you have to worry about those people
more because they don’t, they can’t ask for help.
Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
For sure. Listen, for me as a teacher, I feel that that’s number one though. I feel that the social emotional welfare of
somebody in front of you is more than the curriculum. That’s another discussion. Can you tell me the difference between
being supportive? I want you to do well. If you want to become a doctor, you can become a doctor. And pressure. Can you
identify, because we all want, everybody wants the best for their kids. Everybody wants the best for anybody in front of them
that they’re helping raise or building up. There’s support and there’s pressure.
Dany LeMoine:
It’s a very fine line to walk. I think that I think that I didn’t have necessarily a lot of pressure. I think the
pressure I put on myself, I didn’t have, I was fortunate that, you know, like my parents didn’t care what I did. They just
wanted me to be happy and that’s amazing. But I internalized their approvals of things that made me draw the conclusions
that, academic pursuits. okay. What is the top academic pursuit? I could be a lawyer. You know, it’s not, not thrilling enough.
I need to be a doctor. That’s, that’s the top that I can get. So no one was ever like, you should be a doctor. You’re so smart. It
was, you’re so smart. And I’m like, thank you. I guess maybe I should be a doctor, you know? And so balancing what is
supportiveness of like, think what if supportiveness versus pressure, I think that you have to go back to our earlier
conversation of a walking the line of you as a person are aligned to nurturing and to helping as opposed to you are very smart
and successful.
Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
Right. Yeah.
Dany LeMoine:
And then I could make the decision that maybe a nurse is better suited to my personality, but I was just
getting such good grades that they were like, go all the way, become a doctor. You know, so I think that, I think that it starts
with supporting the person as a whole instead of supporting their achievement.
Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
Can you tell me the absolute worst phrase that you could hear as a young person that puts on the pressure? Think
catchphrase of the worst thing that was said to you.
Dany LeMoine:
The first thing that came into my mind was keep it up. Keep it up. I think that that really is just that in its
own is an expectation that, you know, I did so great on this test. Keep it up. Right. Oh, I always have to put the same amount
of effort and I always have to get the same grade. Keep it up. Keep my grades up. Keep keep everything on 100 percent all
the time. Like
Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
cool how so. Mm-hmm. Right. Hmm. Mm-hmm.
Dany LeMoine:
That burns any kid out. Keep it up. Keep it up. Keep it up.
Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
Interesting. Yeah. Can you tell me the best thing to say that drops the pressure? Catchphrase?
Dany LeMoine:
Ooh. not a catchphrase, but I find myself sort of telling myself and learning that I wish was told to me then
is like, you’re loved for who you are. You’re loved for you. I love you for being you. There’s no quantification that needs to
happen. You know, I don’t love you for this reason. I love you because you’re Yeah, just just for who you are. Yeah.
Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. just because of you? Well, that gives you freedom. It gives a lot of freedom, because
then you can mess up too. It’s okay if you fail a test. I love you no matter what. Yeah. That’s good. That’s good, Danny.
Dany LeMoine:
Exactly. Yeah. Yeah, I think. I know I was going to say maybe.
Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
Go ahead. Are we going say something? I always do three wrap-up questions to take us back to this goal of
looking like what is this toxicity of our achievement culture and how can parents try to alleviate that. Here’s my first question
for you. So you are now 22 years old. You have decided not to go to Harvard Medical. You are in nursing school, which I
think I’m really proud of you for that, that you made that decision of what’s best for your own well-being, right? And you’re
on this trajectory now with a lot of open doors for later. What though, right now in this moment, would you tell to the 13 year
old self that I taught about maybe your dreams and your achievement and what actually matters?
Dany LeMoine:
Hmm. I would tell that little girl that I follow my heart. I know that’s so cheesy. Follow your heart. But I
think my heart was sort of corrupted by other influences that I couldn’t really understand what it is that I wanted and what is
my passion. I think that if I could go back, would tell her to like learn to listen to yourself, listen to your body, listen to your
mind, but listen to like what
Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
Hmm.
Dany LeMoine:
what your body is telling you, what feels right, what do you enjoy? And follow that instead of following out
what I think I should do. Because that would have altered my path considerably. Maybe instead of what I think I should do or
what I think will serve me best, just follow what my body, my mind, my soul is telling me to do. Instead of
Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
Hmm.
Dany LeMoine:
Instead of what what just like this anxiety this monster that lives in your head. Don’t listen to it listen to
what’s in here
Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
Mm-hmm. You know, that’s though a powerful thing then for parents to know to tell their kids versus all the things
that you’re supposed to be doing and that the society around us says you’re supposed to do. And I want to just do a side note.
Your school that you went to before you moved to the interior was a very, is a very high achieving area, right? I had doctors
and lawyers and CEOs as parents in the classroom. So you were in this cesspool of achievement.
Dany LeMoine:
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
culture and expectation. It was all around you.
Dany LeMoine:
Absolutely. And it started even way before grade school. was in Montessori after school care for preschool
and it started then. They were already quantifying my reading age. she’s ahead of the game. And it just kept going of seeing
these influential, powerful people getting that messaging that success is way up here when success is whatever makes you
happy.
Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
Mmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Question number two, if you could sit down with the parents of a teenager who is high
achieving like you were and struggling like you were, what is the one thing that you would want them to understand about
what their teenager actually needs? The one piece that they need to get.
Dany LeMoine:
They need unconditional love. That’s, I mean, that’s a fundamental basic, unconditional love has when you
start rewarding specific behaviors, they learn the pattern of if I do this, then this happens. You know, I’m loved if I do this,
I’m worthy if I do this, as opposed to unconditionally, you know, if you fail the test, I love you just as much. If you, you
know, if You work, you know, making sandwiches for the rest of your life. I love you just as much. You don’t have to be the
top game. You don’t have to prove yourself. There’s nothing to prove. You’re loved unconditionally. I think that is the main
takeaway that parents should demonstrate to their high achieving kids.
Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
Yeah, absolutely. You’re kind of outlining why I absolutely hate the idea of giving money for letter grades. I hate
it. Like you get this letter grade, I’m going to give you this much money. I think it’s exactly kind of the contrary of what
you’ve just said, right? Because now we’re putting a condition on how you’ve done and versus that process.
Dany LeMoine:
Hmm. Yeah. And then it’s. Yeah, and then it’s also equating work with like success. So you know, you’re
making money for doing a successful job, doing a perfect job as opposed to working for passion or for love or for enjoyment.
Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
Yeah. And value. Yeah, totally. Okay, here’s my last wrap up question. Is that we all as parents have hopes and
dreams for our kids and we want them to do well, whatever that is. How can parents hold up hopes and dreams for their
children without making the kids feel that they’re never enough? So how can you build your kids up to aspire for greatness or
whatever that means for them?
Dany LeMoine:
Okay.
Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
but that they don’t walk within this, always need to be more and do more and that I’m not enough.
Dany LeMoine:
I think that this might be contrarian. I think that parents don’t need to build them up so much as much as
they think they do. I think that that is intrinsic. know, everyone wants to
Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
Hmm sure
Dany LeMoine:
wants to be the best that they can. No one wants to not live up to their internal potential. I don’t think it has
to be held and supportive as like, I want to encourage you to do the best that you can because I think there’s no way of
walking that fine tightrope and not falling into, I need you to be successful. I think that everyone will find the drive and that
passion on their own, in their own way, at their own time, and just supporting them and validating them and showing you that
you love them unconditionally, it will allow that passion and that drive to grow naturally instead of it being pushed.
Dr. Suzanne Simpson:
You’re brilliant, Dany LeMoine. Now normally I ask where to find you and I’m really glad that we can’t find you
because I think it’s so fantastic that you’re not on social media. So thank you for your insight. I really, told you before we
started, I really value your own perspective versus what I think that you’re thinking. So thank you for your time.
Dany LeMoine:
Nowhere. you Absolutely, it was my pleasure. Thank you so much for reaching out.
