Erika Rothenberger:
And I love that you said that. I always say, listen, it didn’t define me, it refined me. And I truly believe that we can get better when adversity happens, right? Like just like anything else. I remind my, you know, my son who’s an avid like baseball and football player. I said, like, how many times you have to practice before the game, right? It’s not the actual game, it’s all of the things that you have to do leading up to it.

Suzanne:
Good evening, Erika Rothenberger in Pennsylvania. Three hours ahead of me. Thanks so much for your time.

Erika Rothenberger:
So glad to be here. I cannot wait to just get into this.

Suzanne:
Yeah, I want to talk to you today actually the burning question of how do working moms stay genuinely connected to their kids without burning out or losing themselves in the process? And I think you have so much to say about that.

Erika Rothenberger:
Yeah. Yeah, do we have six hours for this, right? And like an encyclopedia. What I want to remind anyone that’s listening to this is before I even give you my answer, is there’s no perfect formula and everyone’s formula is going to look a little bit different. I’ll tell you kind of what works for me and maybe One of the two things may work for you, but remember that like there’s no textbook. And when the baby came out, I never got a manual. Like, you know, when you buy the new fridge, you get the manual or, you know, the new dishwasher. And it tells you how to use it, like with each child, and each child responds so differently, too. and for me, what’s worked really well is I say bullshit. I say balance is bullshit because I really don’t believe that life is ever like a perfect seesaw. And I don’t think you ever balance. Being a mom and working and being an entrepreneur and taking care of yourself and doing date night and doing this. Like, so stop trying to figure out like that this balance and look at it more like integration. How can we integrate our children into our lives? How can we still make them part of it? But also make sure that we’re not losing a piece of ourselves. And I think we saw so much of the generations previous to us, they absorbed. So much into their family life and so much into their kids that all of a sudden the kids left, they were empty nesters. And I think a lot of them like really lost who they were as from their identity. And I think we’ve learned a lot this next generation about hey, listen, how to maintain that. And I really believe you can have it all. And when I say have it all, I want to be careful that it doesn’t mean everything, but all that you want in your life. At different times. And so I think it’s really important that your kids are part of those conversations. They’re part of those decisions. And I truly believe in quality over quantity. The times that you spend with them, and it’s like anything else that you do in life. Like, how are you defending that time to make sure that when you are with your kids, you are totally devoted and with your kids? And when you’re on a podcast, you’re totally devoted and on a podcast, right? And then how can you make them part of it? Because I truly believe that kids learn so. Much more by following our actions than they do by anything that we say. They say that your child is 1600% more likely to act up in front of you as the parent figure. But when they’re watching your actions and they’re seeing what you’re doing. They start repeating behaviours. And I have a story for this. Story that when my son was eight, who is he’s now twelve, came to my husband and I and said, I want to start a business. And my husband and I are both entrepreneurial. We have a real estate business and I have a few other businesses. And what I will tell you is because he was watching us, I believe that this was instilled in him without us saying, Hey, at eight years old, you really should start a business. So Lo and behold, we came up with all these different ideas. He said he wanted to be a pro football player. Obviously, at that age, we were like, you got to wait till you’re at least 18. We don’t want to ever squash a dream. But he said, What gives you purpose and passion? And lo and behold, we live on a golf course. He came up with a company called Hole in One. All winter long, he would go out, he would collect all the balls, he would wash them, he would clean them, he would sort them, and he would go sit outside of the tee box and he would sell them. Three summers later, that child not only earned six thousand dollars. But learned the art of rejection, learned the art of personalization, learned how to really build a business, what a return on investment was, and even so much so that he actually got into a program called Young Entrepreneurs Academy because of what his actions were. So I truly believe that’s a perfect type of story that when they watch what you’re doing, you’re there to support them. They can truly be integrated and then it can actually turn into something that actually becomes part of theirs them too.

Suzanne:
Okay, so tell me, let’s go back to the first part about like this whole mom thing of being an entrepreneur, working full time, and still connecting with your kids. Like we know the connection is the protective factor of mental health in children. All the research is showing that. And I just know so many moms that are having this such a challenging time to juggle the demands of work and living there for their kids.

Erika Rothenberger:
Well, you know, I think you def set like I’ll give you I love I love stories, right? Stories are twenty two times more powerful than any fact or stat I could give you. So for instance, we just had Valentine’s Day, right? And instead of giving them boxes of chocolate and olive and you know, a card that they probably were just going to recycle or throw away, I gave them each an experience. So one day on Saturday, my son and I went skiing together. And it was just the two of us, just on the mountain, just riding the chairlifts, just having those conversations, right? But I defended the time just like I would defend getting my hair done on a Saturday or going out with my girlfriends for brunch on a Saturday. It was my quote unquote date time with my son, right? Same thing two weeks later, I took my my daughter loves art, right? We we went to a studio on a Friday night and we did a painting together. And it was just the two of us for two and a half hours, just using creativity, being together, doing something different, not in the house. The dishwasher didn’t need to be empty, the dog didn’t need to be taken out, and we were just together. So I truly believe just like any other appointment, you have to make make the time and it takes effort, right? And that’s where I go back to that quality versus quantity, right? Like it doesn’t have to be every day. You don’t have to do a skiing trip or an art. project every every week, but how are you really spending that quality time with your children?

Suzanne:
Erika, you’re totally speaking my language because I think that one on one time with each child is so important, but we have to be absolutely intentional about it. And maybe for some people it’s just going to be a lot cheaper of a outing that might be a picnic because of finances. But I think that kids love it. They love it. They because we’re showing them that they’re worthy to go spend time with them.

Erika Rothenberger:
Exactly, exactly. And that’s what I’m saying. So that was like a big deal because it was Valentine’s Day, but like it could be as simple as, Hey, listen, let’s go on walk together. Or hey, listen, let’s just read this book together. And it be intentional for that ten minutes. They will remember that so much more. Every once in a while too, and I’ll give a parent tip here, that They love when I go and sit in the back seat with them. I know it sounds so silly, but like we go somewhere and instead of sitting in the passenger seat talking to my husband or being on my phone, I’ll go sit in the back seat with them. And it’s like it’s exciting for them. It’s it and it doesn’t cost you a penny, but it can and it can be a ten minute drive to basketball practice. Right.

Suzanne:
Right. Love it. That’s totally that is getting on their turf. That is the idea of like you’re literally getting in their area of the back seat of the car. I hadn’t thought of that one before. Like I love it.

Erika Rothenberger:
And the other thing is I always ask them one of my favourite questions. And I was driving with a colleague the other day because I was on a business trip and I was checking in with the kids and she reminded me, like, I didn’t even I don’t even think twice about it anymore, but she actually brought it up a few days later in front of someone. And she was like, I thought it was so cool how Eri and she doesn’t have children, but she said, Hey, Erika said to her kids in the car, Who were you kind to today? Right? They couldn’t answer yes or no. How is school? Good. What’d you do? Nothing. Right? Like make them think about gratitude. Make them think about abundance. Like let them know. And then when they tell you, you know, I was kind to Johnny. Well, what did you do with Johnny? Well, you know, I let Johnny borrow my coloured pencils today during art or whatever it is, get them engaged and let them like figure out that you really want to know more about those details.

Suzanne:
Right. So I love okay, so there’s fake stuff, there’s asking intentional questions. Can you get into like just those fine little moments in the nuances and the the boringness of life at home of those connections while you are super busy and working full time and maybe more?

Erika Rothenberger:
I love this question. Okay, so this is really simple and really fun to do with your family. So I don’t even this actually started because I have to give my husband the credit where credit’s due. And I don’t even know exactly how it started, but one day my daughter said, it’s eight eleven. Now she was born on August eleventh. Okay. And my husband goes, it wasn’t August at all, it was probably February, and he goes, Happy birthday, Addie, right? Well, long story short, it started catching on. And now every time we see someone’s Birthday on the clock, regardless of what month it is, what day it is. So for instance, my husband’s September 10th. So at 9:10, my son 722, my daughter 811, me 414, our dog 1017. When we see that time on the clock, if we’re with each other, we have a mini birthday party. Like literally, it’s like happy birthday. And literally, like it’s just that moment of joy reminding us that just that one little thing, how it can put you in a different mood, it can put you in a different mindset. And I know it may seem cheesy, but to our family, it’s like actually kind of comical now. and my husband and I even do it now for our anniversary. When I see nine twenty two on the clock, I’ll say, Well put happy A. Right. And it’s just our way of saying, Hey, listen, I’m thinking of you today.

Suzanne:
Right. Okay, so last question before we’re going to move on, but what about stuff like they’ve had a bad day or the homework stuff or chores, like the connections within those moments?

Erika Rothenberger:
Or Love that. And I love adversity. Like, and when I say that, like I really believe that one of the best things we can teach our children is resilience, adversity, failure. that failure is not like means you you’re a failure, that failure actually is going to help build that muscle of resiliency. And again, unless we’re using that muscle, unless we’re growing it and working it, we’re not going to get stronger. And with our children, I think so many times that they’re being so sheltered in life in general or protected, you got to teach them failure. But I think it’s really important to talk about the failure, bringing up your own examples of failure and also making sure you’re helping them. And I remember just you know the other day where my son didn’t do so well on an English like language art test. And I told him about how I was in remedial reading from first to fifth grade. And I told him, like, listen, mom still went on to be an engineer, and mom started several businesses, and like reminding them that, like, just because the outside looks okay, like That actually and reminding them that actually made me stronger. That made me better. Because if everything came easy, like then what would you actually work towards? And so I think reminding them of your own failure, your own adversity, you know, when they’re stumbling, but also using it as an opportunity to have a lesson instead of reprimanding, having a conversation with them, treating them like they’re young adults and actually engaging them, not lecturing them, engaging with them.

Suzanne:
Okay, so I want to go back to you said that women we can have it all at different times. So Cheryl Sandberg’s book, Lean In, came out about twelve years ago. And I’ve asked other women about this. What do you think of the concepts of being able to have it all or or when that is and what that means for us? And can you just kind of like define that a little bit more of what you said earlier?

Erika Rothenberger:
Yeah, I think you can have it all but not all at one time. So I think when you hear someone say have it all, you think, well, you got to be the mother and you got to work full time and you got to start your business and you got to be able to read and your skin needs to look great and you need to make it to the gym, like stop, stop, stop, stop, because like a confused mind does nothing, right? Like and when we feel that we’re setting ourselves up for failure, we we we will fail, right? By trying to put too much on our plate. And to me, it’s really being intentional in one of my frameworks actually talks about Adding weight and adding weight where it matters, but removing the weight where it doesn’t serve you anymore. Where are you feeling dragged down? Where are you feeling like that weight is just almost holding you back like shackles? And what can you start saying no to? So my whole premise is being audacious and being bold and brave and all this sort of stuff. But sometimes audacity actually happens in the real quiet moments when you set the boundary, when you say no, when you don’t take the job that you thought that you were going to take, right? And not being afraid to say no because maybe it’s not your season. And it’s okay. It doesn’t mean that it’s never going to happen. It doesn’t mean that that that season isn’t coming. But I think when we set those intentional boundaries and we’re willing to be audacious about sometimes not having it all, that actually is what actually builds us to be stronger.

Suzanne:
Right, right, totally. My my personal experience very much has been my career was on hold. Like I taught, I did a master’s in administration back in two thousand and four and my little babies came and I said, forget it. There’s no way I’m working sixty like sixty to eighty hour weeks is what it was. And I intentionally had to choose to put that on hold. So I was a teacher. I worked two days when they were little, I worked five days, they were at my school when they were older, it was great. Yeah. But but by the time though they’re now at a university, say I was fifty. I’m kind of washed up to get higher up if I wanted to become a superintendent or I’m I won’t have the time to do it. So I had to intentionally choose one or the other in terms of advancement of career down the road. And I didn’t I didn’t want to do sixty, eighty hour weeks with my children.

Erika Rothenberger:
And that’s okay. Like to me, that’s an audacious action that you took and you decided that was your choice for your own expansion to be that mom. Where someone else may say, No, I need to take the job. Like, and we can’t fault him or her for whatever decision that parent decides to make, right? Like everyone’s everyone’s story is going to look a little different. It is.

Suzanne:
So then so for the person that takes the eighty hour job, how do you be a mum in that?

Erika Rothenberger:
Mm. And again, I think it’s I think it’s just like anything else. Like, you know, being able to say no, like think about it, like, do you really need to be working the eighty hours? Are you doing are you over functioning in that role? I think you need to do some evaluation. And where when you look at your calendar every week, I colour code my calendar. Some of you that might turn you off completely, but I really look at it and all yellow is family stuff. And if I look at my calendar and like there’s very little yellow on for the week, I’m like, okay, where can I put a half an hour? Where can I, you know, intentionally say, hey, listen, I’m going to go and defend that time. Now I know you can’t always be at the kids’ bake sale and you can’t be the chaperone all the time. And I get that, right? But Where can you find those extra ten minutes to why that your child’s having breakfast in the morning to say, you know what, I may have to be at work a little bit late today so I can actually sit with them and make sure they know ‘because they may not see me tonight before they go to bed. Right. That happens with me a lot.

Suzanne:
Yeah. And you

Erika Rothenberger:
It doesn’t mean I’m less than like less than them. And then it’s also making sure those check-ins happen, right? Like luckily now, like my kids are getting to the age where my son has a phone and it’s just sending him a random little text in the middle of the day. Hope your day is going awesome, right? Like I’m thinking of you, I’m proud of you, whatever that may be.

Suzanne:
Right. So let’s go back to you a little bit. you are a keynote speaker, you’re executive in the construction industry, you’re a podcast host, entrepreneur, you wrote Audacious Expansion and your mom of two and you are a mom of two. You also survived a violent attack in twenty twenty two. And I was wanting to go to that in terms of how it maybe changed your mothering. So do you want to share whatever you want to share about that? But in in how we use moments then that are difficult, brutal, destroying and have that for our power and be a better mom. So kind of two questions within that.

Erika Rothenberger:
I love I love this question and just to give the audience a little bit of context there, You know, back it was, you know, a normal day. It was a day like any other. You know, a day on June sixteenth of twenty twenty two, that I pulled into that office building. Then I took that last sip of Himalayan sea salt water, and as soon as I opened my car door, there he was. You see, it was a man I had never seen before. I asked the man quickly, Sir, can I help you? And within seconds his fist hit my face. He grabbed me by the hair and he threw me to the asphalt pavement. He proceeded to punch me four, five, six more times. But at that point I wasn’t even counting. I was felt like a rag doll and not a human. I did everything to fight, to spit, to scream, to try to get away. And his wrath, his two hundred and ten pounds over me as an ex boxer and someone who had a history of rage, took over and he proceeded to strangle me. And I thought that was going to be my last breath on earth. I thought it was going to be the last moment that I was going to be the mom to Drew and Adeline, the last moment that I would be the wife to Andy, the last moment that I could live what I thought was my big, bold, audacious life. And the story goes on and on and I could fill you in with all the details, but that’s the crux of it. And what I want to remind everyone is that that was my punch. But everyone listening has had a punch in their life. Perhaps it was by burnout. Maybe it was the bitter divorce you went through. Maybe it’s the sick child right now. Maybe it was the parent you lost last month. The financial woes that keep you up at two AM. Whatever it is, we’ve all had our punch. And so my punch is no different than your punch. It’s just we’ve all had a different type of punch. Mm-hmm. But those punches can bring us to to the ground. And there were so many people at the time. My kids were six and eight. They were with the sitter. My husband was in in Kansas City. And you see, I didn’t know if I was going to live or what my life was going to look like. And I will tell you it was that moment, those seventy-two hours that were an utter blur in the police and the detectives and the reports and the doctors and the nurses, that life I really wanted to be that victim. And it was when I was actually home a few days later where I put that hooded sweatshirt on, and it was the middle of June, and the tears are dripping down my face that’s cut and broken, and just feeling so vulnerable to even be scared to be in my own backyard. And in that moment, it was the laughter of my children. You see, they were playing in the pool right next to me. And what I realised in that moment, that connection was my oxygen. Being their mom was going to make me go from being a victim to a survivor to a thriver. And then that every punch does not happen that quickly. So if you’ve been in your punch for a while, please don’t compare your timeline to my timeline. We all deal with punches differently in our lives. But what I want to remind you is that when you start to make it About someone else, and you realise that your story can actually be the light for someone else. Man, it made me change the way that I was a mom, made me change the way I was a wife, it made me change the way that I connected with people, it made me change the way that I didn’t know if tomorrow would be the last day that I would be on this earth. And I needed to treat every day to that level. And what I didn’t know also is that. what I thought living that big, bold, audacious life, I was really playing small. I was really playing in my little hard hat and my stiletto boots and walking into suburbia corporate America and thinking like I was living this big bold audacious life. And what I realised is I needed to show my kids that life could be so much bigger. That what I was really playing was not the life that I truly wanted to live. And it wasn’t until this punch happened that I actually started Taking my life to a whole nother level. And it’s been such a gift. A gift that I get to show my kids. I don’t think I would have written the book or been a TEDx speaker or been, you know, you know, a top podcaster or been speaking on all these stages and sharing my message on social media if this that punch hadn’t happened. So how can you take your punch and turn it into purpose? How can you take your punch and turn it into passion? How can you take your punch and be there for other people because of it?

Suzanne:
So how did that affect your mother ring? Like can you go a little bit? I you talked about it a bit, but I mean specifically, how did that affect you only in the role as mom? Yeah. The empowerment is phenomenal. Sorry, the empowerment for you is phenomenal in all these ways of your life, but just getting down to being a mom, what did that do just for that single role?

Erika Rothenberger:
I think it just made me again their laughter just reminds me of those small moments and to be able to appreciate the little things that happen every day. So I started every day writing down three things that I’m so grateful for and being so specific, especially with my kids, that last night I got to read my daughter, the Babysitters Club book, and on page eighteen I remember laughing at Samantha’s outfit, right? Like being so specific so you start noticing more of that. I think being really intentional and being honest with your kids. I mean, obviously there were details that I kept my kids from, but I also did not hide them from what happened. And reminding them, like, you know, I think we got brought up thinking like, well, everyone’s nice and trust people and everyone’s good and reminding our kids that the world can be a tough place, right? Yeah. My kids know the, you know, the my perpetrator by name, and they’ll be like, like when blank did that to you. And they know it, they’ve seen the pictures. And to me, some people would say I would have sheltered them and never and not told them that story till they were eighteen. I don’t feel like that was what I wanted to do as a parent. I wanted them to understand that things can happen, but it’s what we do with it. Totally.

Suzanne:
Going into my next question, I wanted to know what did your kids absorb watching you since 2022? So into your four now of rebuilding your life with intention.

Erika Rothenberger:
So much. I mean, so much. And when I say that, I don’t mean to brag or boast. I mean, the good, the bad, the ugly, like they’ve seen me be vulnerable. They’ve seen me go to court 11 different times. Now they weren’t in the courtrooms. they’ve seen me fight for this law that I’m trying to change in the state of Pennsylvania. so yes, I think they’ve seen a mom who has been so passionate about wanting to make a difference, but reminding them that they have a purpose too. And that sometimes those hard things are going to happen. and so when they don’t make a team or they don’t get the grade on their test, bringing that back to them and relating it like, hey, listen, mom’s had those setbacks too. And I think so to me, the biggest gift has been the gift of resiliency and the gift of adversity. and I think going into the real world, you know, there’s so many kids that they don’t learn that at an early age, not because the parent wants to Not teach them that, but we all want to shelter and protect our kids. But sometimes if we protect them too much, then they go out into the real world by themselves, and life can be really hard, right? You don’t get the first job, college doesn’t go the way that it is, like you’re in a precarious situation, right? Like teaching them these lessons, and I think also knowing that we have some real tough, honest conversations with each other and that. I hope when they have a tough conversation that they have to have five years from now, ten years from now, they know that they can pick up the phone and that I will be there to listen to them for that.

Suzanne:
You know what I love about your story that is I think so great for all parents to hear is we all go through difficult times in one way or another. And I’ve always said it’s our it what we go through our past does not define us, but it’s defining it defined it’s defining for how we’re going to live our lives moving forward, how we’re going to be treated, what we will and will not put up with, what we know we’re worthy of, and your kids have watched you use a defining moment. And you’re not defined from it. It’s not who you are. But it has brought you through and made you stronger and made you know, allowed you to thrive. You’ve chosen to thrive.

Erika Rothenberger:
And I love that you said that. I always say, listen, it didn’t define me. It refined me. And I truly believe that we can get better when adversity happens, right? Like just like anything else. I remind my, you know, my son who’s an avid like baseball and football player. I said, like, how many times you have to practice before the game? Right? It’s not the actual game. It’s all of the things that you have to do leading up to it.

Suzanne:
Yeah, it becomes empowering. I think that so many parents come from so much trauma. And to be able to see like I mean significant childhood trauma, that that actually can be defining. And it can be your empowerment. And you know, things that we draw on later as parents that had no idea back in the moment of the adversity that we would use for parenting.

Erika Rothenberger:
Yeah. Yeah. And I love the work that you do, Suzanne. Like, like really thinking about like what actually happens at such a young age that’s so formidable that like I always think about this, you know, when you hear the fact of like what happens before age seven, I’m like, man, I was like, I’ve probably already messed up, like, you know what I mean? My kids. Like, and when you say that, I just and I don’t mean that with any discredit. I just you know, it’s hard. It’s hard to be a parent. It’s it’s the hardest job I have. Yep.

Suzanne:
And I’ve said parenting’s not a pastime. It’s not an afterthought. We can’t I worked with kids whose parents didn’t really care and I’ve seen the damage. Right. That’s why my strongest point we get on their turf, we connect with them, however that looks like with whatever season of life we’re in or choosing to do. ‘Because they they need us. So Erika I

Erika Rothenberger:
Can I just add one more thing in there too? So what I recognized when I went through this trauma, so that was my punch, but it wasn’t the first punch that I had. It was just the most visible. And the loudest one that I had had. But what I realised is that as a child, there was a lot that I had repressed that I had pushed away that I had forgotten about. And I remember going to my first therapist and she made me draw a house. And I was so angry because I’m just trying to like get my life back together. And she’s like, here’s a piece of paper and let’s draw a house. And she made me draw the basement. And it was dark, it was dingy, it was scary, and there was lots of boxes in it. And what she related that back to Is that was actually symbol like symbolic of my past. Like all the stuff that I just wanted to stuff away, forget about. But like any trauma in our life, it will find its way out. It will wear its ugly head. It’s like water. It’s going to find its way out. So it’s how you want to deal with it. It’s either going to envelop you or envelope around you, or you have to deal with it face on. Yeah.

Suzanne:
Absolutely. Absolutely. And I think it’s it’s often people deal with it face on when they have their own kids and they’re like they’re like, shoot, I don’t want to repeat this. I want to flip the script. I want to do better. And I’ve I’ve spoken to many that that’s when it really takes root to work through it. For sure. Okay, I always do three wrap up questions to take us back to this whole thing of like how we connect with our kids as busy moms. So here’s number one. So for any Mom who is getting home after a long day of work and just worried that, you know, they’re going to lose their kids one day, what is the single most important thing that she can do tonight, tonight with whatever energy she has left to get on her kids’ turf?

Erika Rothenberger:
Oof man.

Suzanne:
I’m like in that moment of the gross and the busy and the long day and you get home to your kids.

Erika Rothenberger:
Hm. You know, I’ll say is like add a little bit of fun. Do something, whether it’s that little 30-second birthday party I was telling you about before, whether it’s turning on the music, whether it’s saying, Hey, listen, let’s get the ice cream out and have a mini ice cream party, like just bring these small little pockets of joy and realise how quickly 30 seconds, 90 seconds of joy it will change the demeanor of your children. No matter how heavy the day has been, no matter what bills are piling up, how many dishes are in the sink. every once in a while I’ll do that in the morning, especially on a Friday morning. I’ll put like something I’ll you know, tell Siri to put something on. And we I just have like a little mini like dance party and it makes me feel better, it makes them feel better, and it’s like, okay, listen, it doesn’t need to be these big, gargantuous things. It can be these small little things. It’s the consistency, though those little that one percent in your day that can just change the trajectory. And I guarantee when you ask your kids five days from now, they’re going to remember like Mom dancing around the kitchen for thirty seconds, right? Versus, hey, she was upset because there was dishes in the sink.

Suzanne:
Okay. Here’s question, thank you. Question number two is for so the mom’s exhausted carrying everything, what would you want kids to understand about what their mother is doing for them? With the larger question then is what can we communicate to our own kids to let them know where we’re at? So what do the kids need to know about mom? And then what do we communicate with them about us?

Erika Rothenberger:
You know, I think understanding like, you know, about like just as much as you ask them about your day, like get them into the that you have enough of a conversation that they ask you about your day. And if it was a hard day and if it was a heavy day, be know, they they don’t even know all the details, but you can explain that to them. And I think by them knowing that, they realise that like, you know, I think they go think we go to work and like, you know, we have like these like fun, juicy lunches and we sit in these fun conference rooms and you know, everything’s all glitz and glam. And I think reminding them that like work is hard and it can be heavy. And it’s like just having real life conversations with them about that and expressing that to them and the days that it really does it’s vibing great, tell them those days, but also let them know that there’s days that it’s really challenging. And maybe there’s an example you can bring. up to them. Like, hey, listen, I had a meeting that was really hard. My boss like asked me to do this big assignment. Have you ever had an assignment like that where your teachers come in and science class and you have that, you know, and relate it to their life a little bit too. So they can be like, I get it, right? Like so there’s no there’s not this huge disconnect.

Suzanne:
Okay, thank you. Question number three. For the working mom trying to juggle everything, what is the one single thing, like the only one most important single thing you’d want to tell her about being a parent?

Erika Rothenberger:
Start with yourself, like honestly. And you know, my mom, it’s in my book, Audacious Expansion. My mom always said to me, Life is like a triangle. And at the top of that triangle needs to be you. And even though you think that’s selfish, you need to invest in your health, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically. Find those five or ten minutes to invest in you every day. and then comes your family. And then comes your career or your job or your entrepreneurship. And every once in a while that triangle’s going to fall over and every once a way the triangle’s going to get out of form and it’s not going to look like a triangle, look more like an amoeba. But all in all, if you can keep those points very designated, ‘because if your health and your you know mentally, spiritually, emotionally isn’t okay, you’re no good to your family. And if your family’s not okay, you’re really no good to your career. And if you try to keep that in check, you will go down the right path.

Suzanne:
Like that triangle idea of and and it shifting. But trying to define the three though. I really like that. Yeah it’s really good. And and putting on our own oxygen masks.

Erika Rothenberger:
Mm-hmm. Yep. Not always easy. And you don’t have to wear it all day. But reminding yourself, like when is that devoted time? Like for me, it’s first thing in the morning. I get a I’m a very early riser, but I know if I don’t have that time to myself in the morning, I don’t show up as the type of parent that I want to.

Suzanne:
Yeah, me too. I’m the same. Especially when my kids were younger. They’re kind of older now and more independent, but especially I had a twenty year period, particularly. My first priority in the morning after my own quiet time had to be my kids. Whatever that looked like. So it still has to be a priority. I still check in, but they’re they want to be. Well my daughter’s at another university anyways. Okay, Erika Rothenberger, where can we find you?

Erika Rothenberger:
My goodness. Instagram, LinkedIn, Facebook. I would love to connect with you, especially on LinkedIn. Love putting content out there. You can grab a copy of my book. and every year in October we have an Audacious Women’s Summit that I would love to invite any of your guests to that’s outside of Philadelphia. Hundred eighty audacious women coming together, just next leveling with each other.

Suzanne:
I saw that. I saw that.

Erika Rothenberger:
Love to have you. So well May you maybe have to come to Philly in October.

Suzanne:
British Columbia. I will put all of that in the show notes by the way. Okay, thank you so much for your time, Erika. Thanks for joining Get On Their Turf. Now I want to spark a connection movement, and you can be part of this by sharing this with a parent who wants to learn more how to connect with their kids in the midst of crazy work. And if you want practical ways to start tonight, you can get my free guide at drsuzannesimpson.com. Let’s continue exploring connection in every way. And until next time, let’s lead with presents. Thanks for listening.

Erika Rothenberger:
Perfect. Thanks so much for having me.